Ex-Husbands and Sweaters

Many (many!) years ago I overheard a conversation between my then husband (whom I shall refer to as Beelzebob – yes the typo is on purpose; he was an awful man) and one of his best friends.  His (very large) friend was lamenting how hard it was to find a nice sweater in his size.  The conversation went something like this:

Beelzebob:  “Oh don’t worry about it!  My old lady [me] will knit one for you.  I’ll get her to knit you one of those sweaters with those cross things [cables] on it – you know, the sweaters Irish fishermen wear.”

Friend:  “Really?!  Oh that’d be great!  What should I do?”

Beelzebob:  “Just bring her the yarn you want.  Better yet, bring her the wool ready to spin, and she can make the yarn.  No, no – I know – just bring her a FLEECE, and she’ll take it from there.”

Listening to this conversation, I shook my head, started humming “To Dream the Impossible Dream” and braced myself for what I knew would be the inevitable fight.  Here’s how the conversation went later that night:

Beelzebob:  “Babe [me], my friend is going to bring you a fleece.  I told him you’d  make him a sweater from it.  One of those Irish crossy-sweaters.”

Me:  “You should have asked me first.  No, I won’t.”

Beezebob (sounding astonished):  “What do you mean you won’t?!  He’s my best friend!”

Me:  “Then you make the sweater for him.  Don’t ever volunteer me to make a sweater for anybody … [proverbial pregnant pause] … and I think I want a divorce.”

It took him volunteering me to knit a sweater (starting with a fleece, no less!) before I thought seriously about a divorce!  I moved out a few months later.

Curiously, the fight about sweaters wasn’t over yet.  About a year after our divorce was final he told me that I “owed” him a sweater because in our 3 years of marriage I never knit him anything.  I laughed and shut my front door.

To this day my rule is I only knit, crochet, or weave items for dear friends of mine or for customers.  He was (and still is) neither!

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About sweatyknitter

Fiber art devotee, author, and amateur artisan bread baker.
This entry was posted in Knitting, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Ex-Husbands and Sweaters

  1. I agree! Good rule to follow. 🙂

    Like

  2. domesticnews says:

    My guide is to only produce for those who appreciate the work. Maybe they create things, too. I never promise since my to-do list is too long and delays are embarrassing. 🙂 Otherwise, a cheerful, or sturdy and emphatic belly laugh usually helps to discourage these requests. Then, if needed, a grave, business-like tone asking what the proposed trade might be. Not much will measure up if it isn’t going to be a heart-felt gift anyway. Good for you.

    Like

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