Super Bowl Truce

For a long time, the Super Bowl has been my bête noire.  Let me explain …

Many (many) years ago I was married to an American man to whom I shall refer as “Beelzebob.”  (Digression: Originally “Beelzebub” meant “Lord of the Flies,” though after Christianity rooted, it became another name for the Devil.  If you caught the slight change in the spelling, you can probably guess what his name was. 🙂 )  Beelzebob, a football (American) fan extraordinaire, insisted we “observe” (?!) the Super Bowl yearly.  Admittedly Beelzebob was probably trying to instill a love of the Super Bowl (don’t hold your breath), what he did made it my enemy.

First:  I’ve never understood the game nor cared that I didn’t understand it.  Though raised in the U.S., my Norwegian mother would never let us watch American football.  “A ridiculous game,” she described it, “… grown men chasing each other and wrestling in the mud like pigs.”  (Real football to her was, of course, soccer.)  My American father thought spectator sports a waste of one’s time; our family hiked, sailed, camped, fished, etc.  In dad’s leisure time, you’d find him in the garage building something or back yard renovating a sail boat (we lived on the water).   Dad would have had no use for a “man cave,” which, as I’ve heard them described, revolve around a huge TV and a comfortable arm chair.

Second:  The Super Bowl interfered with my knitting.  Though I had no interest in and only the barest understanding of the rules of American football, Beelzebub insisted we either attend or host yearly Super Bowl parties.  Adding to that torture, he was adamant that I not knit during them.  (Imagine my difficulty trying to (1) stay awake, and (2) look even marginally interested in the game.)  When I asked why, his answer was that knitting was an insult to the game and would offend guests/hosts.  Seeing the dubious look on my face, he added, “It’s a guy thing you wouldn’t understand.”  (Hmmm.)

Third:  The Super Bowl interfered with my birthday.  For the few years I was married to Beelzebob, the Super Bowl seemed to fall either on, directly before or directly after my birthday.  While Beelzebob could name every player of every team in the Super Bowl and recite each player’s major playing feats, he never remembered my birthday.  I received nary a birthday card, present or wish from him while we were together.  Oddly enough, he seemed unaware that I actually aged.

After I left him and filed for divorce, he popped by my house on my birthday.  Walking into the kitchen, he could see that I was busy cooking up a storm.  (Nothing got by him.)

“Why are you cooking all this,” he asked, eying the baskets of vegetables on the counter.

“I have some people coming for dinner tonight,” I replied, feeling a tad tempted by the sharp knife I held in my hand.

“What for?” Beelzebub asked, snagging a carrot to munch on.

“It’s my birthday today,” I replied, trying not to roll my eyes and still tempted by the knife, “and stop eating my food.”

“What?  Your birthday?  I didn’t know today’s your birthday!  How old are you anyway – 27?”

My eyes were now moving to bigger and sharper knives.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I confirmed, “Yes.  Today is indeed my birthday.  I was 27 when I met you, so I couldn’t possibly be 27 now, now could I?”  (Sarcasm.)

“Wow – so you’re in your 30s?” he asked in awe.  (Brilliant powers of deduction.)

“Yes, I am … don’t you have to go somewhere?”  (I am the mistress of subtle hints.)

“But I don’t remember us ever celebrating your birthday,” he said, a rather bewildered look on his face.

I felt I might just explode.  Instead I said, “That’s right – we never did.  That is only one of the many reasons I’m divorcing you.”

I started shepherding him out of my kitchen.  “Please leave,” I said, pointing to the front door with the knife.

As he stepped through the doorway, he turned and said,  “I didn’t get an invitation.  What time’s the party?”

I slammed the front door so hard the frame popped off.

Now Thor will, from time to time, watch various sporting events on the TV.  But he doesn’t insist I sit next to him or care if I like or even understand the rules of whatever game he’s watching; if I do sit in the room he doesn’t care if I knit, spin or read; he doesn’t care if I go out.  And the man never forgets my birthday.  🙂

So truce, Super Bowl.  I don’t know what Thor’s doing tomorrow, but I will be knitting with the local guild.  🙂

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About sweatyknitter

Fiber art devotee, author, and amateur artisan bread baker.
This entry was posted in Miscellany. Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Super Bowl Truce

  1. I like your distinction between a “sportsman” and a “sports fanatic” … 🙂 Thor likes to golf, and I’m happy to golf with him – but only if it it’s miniature golf!

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  2. Happy belated birthday to you! ❤ It’s so good to hear when married couples respect each other’s interests! My brothers were sports nuts and turned me off sports completely. Then along came my husband, who is a sportsman—not a sports fanatic. He never makes me feel obligated to partake. If we’re watching sports together and an interesting play happens (while I’m knitting) he’ll just rewind the play. And if I don’t understand what he replayed, he’ll explain it. Even when we were first married and I’d go along to the driving range… I’d think it was my duty to watch/cheer while he hit his bucket of golf balls. But he figured that would be too boring for me and that I ought to bring something to knit! 🙂 One more reason why I love that guy! ❤

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  3. Thank you! And oh yes! Thor claims he’s gaining weight … Though as he’s one of those men who can simply skip dessert for a week and lose 5 pounds … :/

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  4. Thank you … I had a great day !! And I have been dying my new bread machine (thank you Thor), A LOT! 🙂

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  5. tgonzales says:

    I loved your story (it made me laugh) and am so glad that you now have a man that remembers your birthday and doesn’t care if you knit! Happy birthday; I know it was or is going to be wonderful. Hugs, Tamara

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  6. kiwiyarns says:

    Happy Birthday! I’m so glad you’re now with someone who respects and loves you the way you deserve. I’ll bet he gets some delicious benefits out of that bread machine too! 🙂

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  7. Yes, you’d think! 🙂

    >

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  8. Wow, sounds like a real prize you let go there. /end sarcasm As an aside, setting up rules and obligations is never an effective way to make someone like something! I would’ve thought that would be obvious!

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  9. Some men just don’t seem comfortable if we sit nearby holding sharp instruments! 🙂

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  10. What a sensible compromise!
    Yes & thank you! 🙂

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  11. knitsbywhit says:

    Glad you have a someone who can respect your non-football liking. I too am dating someone who loves football. However, we have come to an understanding that if he wants me happy then I better have a good project lined up for game day. Glad you are in a good relationship and Happy Birthday!

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  12. knitsbywhit says:

    Men and football are tricky. Lucky I found one who accepts that I knit during the game. As long as I am quiet, I can knit haha.

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  13. Re the agreement you and your husband have worked out, I think that an important key to the longevity of a healthy relationship. For some reason, though, young folk seem to think they’re supposed to do everything (!) together. And the story of your son and his wife is so sweet!

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  14. When I was young, several American boyfriends tried to explain the rules of the game to me (complete with demonstrations). I still never learned the game, probably because my mind wandered right after, “Ok, here’s what the game’s all about!” 🙂

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  15. Thank you – it was, is and will be!

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  16. I have a lot of peaceful knitting these days … it’s wonderful. I just Skyped with my grandchildren last night, and they used the occasion to model the new t-shirts I sent them … They’re so much fun. 🙂

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  17. Thank you, and oh yes! Thor got me a wonderful bread machine (it’s hard for me to make bread by hand any longer) and I am having a GREAT time with it (and wondering how I got by for so long without one)!

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  18. Hurrah! Re the cultural aspects, I was dragged to one Super Bowl where all the wives and girlfriends jumped up and down and hooted and hollered at apparently the right times. Otherwise, they sat in a cluster, drinks in hands, chatting away, and seemed to ignore the game. All they needed was knitting or crocheting in their hands. 🙂

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  19. I’ve known him for over 25 years, and he’s never forgotten my birthday! And he’d watch golf over football. 🙂

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  20. Thank you for popping by and reading. No, Beelzebob never did have a clue. Years later he ran into my daughter and asked her to give me his number so we (he and I) could “hang out.” Definitely no clue. 🙂

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  21. ethgran says:

    My husband isn’t quite as clueless as Beelzebob was (he does remember my birthday is in August but that is as far as it goes) but there are similarities. Over the years we have formed somewhat of a truce in that I do what I like to do and he does what he likes and we don’t force the other to participate in our hobby. Neither of us enjoy football so that is a plus. I did once spend time in the family room with the Super Bowl on when my son had his buddies and their girlfriends over for a party. They watched the game while my son sat in the back next to a ‘friend’ of several months and quietly chatted. I watched her and realized that she was falling in love with him but I couldn’t tell how he was feeling. They didn’t touch or cuddle. Later that day I told him that I could see that Buff was falling in love with him and that I didn’t want her to get hurt because she is a special girl, so nip it in the bud. He explained to me that it was more likely that he would be the one to get hurt this time. They are now very happily married and never watch football. Have a beautiful, relaxing Birthday!

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  22. cleo14 says:

    I was raised in a football family so I can understand what you’re saying about not knowing the rules. For a long time I had no concept of how football ‘worked’. Nobody bothered to explain either. It was assumed that I’d just ‘pick it up’ like my brothers did. Eventually my father realized I didn’t and explained it to me as if I was an imbecile. I now enjoy football although I always knit during it. It isn’t the center of my free time as it is for my brother and father but it’s ok.

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  23. gossycrafts says:

    Happy birthday! I hope it’s a day of love, family, and peaceful knitting!

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  24. shellssells says:

    I fear we were both married to the same man at one point. I am raising my cup of coffee this morning to us both, for learning from our mistakes and finding better people to spend our time with!

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  25. Happy Birthday and peaceful knitting. I’m not a football fan at all and will be spending the day with the grandkids, knitting in the car on the way there.

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  26. Lisa says:

    Happy Birthday wishes for you! Happy wonderful knitting too!! Hugz Lisa and Bear! Glad your are not with Mr. clueless too!!

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  27. jenyjenny says:

    I’m not sure why, but I really had a gut reaction to this! When I got married (for the 3rd time) I was really nervous that my husband and his family, all football fanatics, would realize that I didn’t know any of the plays, when to cheer or boo, etc. And they did notice. And they joked about it. I told him I found the cultural aspects of the whole football scene interesting. At least he only likes college football and doesn’t even know what day the Superbowl is. 🙂

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  28. whatzitknitz says:

    I bet Thor always remembers your birthday too!!!

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  29. He really didn’t have a clue, did he! Ah well, his loss. He can watch American football all he likes now. I love your post.

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